


How Peter Learns Churros Don’t Exist In Space

by skybluethoughts



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Churros don’t exist in space, Gen, Hulk is back on earth, I just like Thor content, I know it’s tragic, King Thor (Marvel), Nobody is Dead, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Beta Read, Peter Parker meets Thor, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter just wants a normal life, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor is just tired, Thor needs all the hugs, Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Thor’s cool though, Tony Stark likes to bang his head, Tony doesn’t like aliens, he doesn’t listen to Tony, he just lost his eye and home and became king, let the man rest, now his spaceship is on fire, why isn’t there more Thor content, why isn’t there more stories of Peter meeting Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 19:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybluethoughts/pseuds/skybluethoughts
Summary: "You want a churro?""Kid, I'm from space. I don't know what a churro is."***Aka how Peter meet his man crush Thor





	How Peter Learns Churros Don’t Exist In Space

Peter was having a relatively normal day. He had aced his chemistry test, actually attended decathlon practice, talked to Ned about Star Wars, made dinner for May when she comes home from work, and only had to stop one mugging today. It wasn't late, just sometime past six-thirty on a Friday night. Queens was loud and obnoxious as always, but Peter didn't mind it as long as the noise wasn't filled with cries of help. Those were the worst. Sure, Peter loved helping those that needed it as Spider-Man, but sometimes the job can get taxing. And by that, Peter means getting stabbed multiple times on patrol. Maybe Peter was magnetic and naturally attracted knives? He'd have to ask Mr. Stark that later.

Peter was enjoying himself as he swung through the city. The buildings and people passing by him looked like some sort of abstract painting that you'd see at an art museum and question if it was actually professionally done or created by a newborn child. When a group of middle schoolers called out to him and asked for a picture, Peter obviously stopped and posed for them. That part of being Spider-Man was the best — being able to bring joy to others. Peter lived for the excitement his alter ego brought others.

Realizing that he could us something to drink, Peter entered the nearest coffee shop in his full Spider-Man glory. The barista tried to give him his drink for free, but Peter being Peter insisted on paying for it. Just because he was Spider-Man doesn't mean he should ruin the economy. MJ would argue he wouldn't ruin the economy, but Peter begged to differ.

Now, freshly energized by a nice cup of coffee, Peter took off swinging through Queens once again. That's when things started to get weird. It started off with a call from Tony Stark, which in hindsight isn't that uncommon. Ever since the whole Vulture accident, Tony liked to keep in contact. Normally, said contact was just a short call to make sure everything was going well and to make sure the suit didn't need to be repaired. There was this one time when it actually did need repairs, and it may or may not have been the most awkward conversation in the history of awkward conversations. Peter shuddered at the memory.

"Hey, Mr. Stark!" Peter answered the call curtesy of Karen. "What's up?"

The live video feed of Tony Stark sitting somewhere in the Avengers Compound with a rather annoyed expression just banged his head against whatever counter he sat at. "Kid, be on the look out for a falling alien spaceship. I just had an alert come in saying one was heading somewhere in your vicinity. I'll be over there soon, just have to run it by the UN first," Tony said, his face still pressed against whatever surface he face planted into.

"It wouldn't happen to be that giant spaceship that's practically on fire, would it?" Peter saw Tony's head pick up at these words. After examining the feed coming in from Peter's suit, Tony determined that it was indeed the spaceship in question.

"Yep, that's the one. Heads up, kid, aliens could be nasty even if they're at risk of burning to death. The first alien I met tried to rule over Earth, the second hit me with his hammer after I told him to drop it, and the third was an alien army that was brought upon New York by the first alien."

"Are you talking Loki and his Chitauri invasion?" Tony nodded his head. "And is that how you met Thor? I don't think I know any other alien the wields a hammer."

"Yeah, fun times actually. He turned out being the only good alien I've ever met, and that's saying something considering he held me by the neck this one time." Tony laughed at the memory. "Anyway, don't engage unless civilian lives are at risk. You here me, Pete? Do not engage. I'll see you in ten." The screen cut off just in time for Peter to run into a billboard.

Peter didn't listen to the whole do not engage with aliens spiel brought to you my Tony Stark. Then again, when does Peter ever listen to people telling him not to do something? The answer: close to none.

After coming back to his senses, Peter swung as fast as he could to where the spaceship was about to crash. Okay, fast was a relative term if you add in the fact that Peter was given three churros from some guy wearing a Wisconsin cheese hat. Luckily, Peter arrived in the just in the nick of time to see the Hulk burst out of said spaceship. Said spaceship was also a burning mess that had crashed into a luckily empty park.

Peter muttered a small, "Shit," before promptly trying _not_ to get smashed by the Hulk while simultaneously holding three churros. Maybe fate was on his side because, a second before becoming a spider pancake, Hulk was zapped by some unknown zappy force. The unknown zappy force just so happened to be lightning. Who would have thought?

"Hey, Karen, mind patching me in to Mr. Stark?"

"Is it because you almost become putty?" Karen retorted as she dialed through to Tony Stark.

"We really need to talk about that attitude or yours, Karen."

"What attitude, Peter? I am simply artificial intelligence living their best life." Tony's face should up on Peter's mask's screen.

"Kid, please don't tell me you engaged with the aliens and got abducted. I'm not ready to have that on my conscious." From the looks of it, Tony was now in his suit and heading on over to the crash sight.

"Bad news, I did what you told me not to do and engaged. Bad news that's also good news, the Hulk just tried to flatten me out like how construction works flatten asphalt, but don't think about that part, think about the fact that the Hulk is back after two years!"

"I'm going to go ahead and disregard the fact that you went against once again and focus on the part where you said Hulk. Did he just look at you and decide you weren't smash-able? If so, call yourself lucky because he's beat me up once and it was not fun." That brought Peter back to the present. What had stopped the Hulk? Right, the zappy blue lightning.

"No, lightning zapped him so he left me alone and went after the lightning."

"Kid, think logically here. Why would the Hulk be zapped by lightning if there's not a single gray cloud in the sky?"

"I haven't thought about that yet, okay! I was kind of preoccupied with the whole I might become a glorified Spider-Man plate." Tony rolled his eyes so far up his head, Peter was afraid they'd get stuck. And then Peter, too, was zapped by a stray strand of lightning.

"Sorry!" was heard from somewhere in the near distance.

"Kid, was that Thor saying sorry?"

Peter, being the intellectual he is, replied with a very confused, "Huh?"

"Listen, Pete, that sounded exactly like Thor. Is he there?" Peter looked around after Tony questioned him, and low and behold there stood a very tall and muscular figure amidst the lightning.

"I think my churro was drugged," was all Peter could say before being knocked over by a flying god of thunder.

Now that it was obvious Tony was not going to get a sound answer out of Peter, he hung up. Obviously, Tony was just over three minutes out so it didn't really matter all that much.

"Hulk, apologize to the spider child! You can't just throw things, including me, at weirdly dressed Midgardians!" Peter just laid on his back as he tried to make sense of the situation. At least, he still had two and a half possibly drugged churros.

"Hulk doesn't apologize! Thor apologize! Thor hit the human spider, not Hulk!" Well, Peter's day _did_ start out normal, but apparently normal can only last so long.

Peter got back to his feet and held out an uneaten churro at who he assumed was Thor. Granted, Peter wasn't positive it was Thor, but since the Hulk called the figure Thor, Peter went with it. "You want a churro?"

Thor stared at him with his one eye as if Peter just asked if elephants have swords for tusks. "Kid, I'm from space. I don't know what a churro is," short haired, one eyed Thor told Peter with an exhausted voice.

"Neither do I, but they're good. I'm Spider-Man by the way!" Thor still stared at him with a confused expression.

"Spider-Man? But you're a child."

"I'm fifteen." Peter probably shouldn't have said that, but Thor's a good guys so what does it matter. It's not like anyone else was near them seeing as Hulk had sacred all passerby away.

"Case in point, you're a child." Peter didn't feel like arguing with a god about age so he let the subject drop, and just in time too. Not a second later Tony landed next to Peter in his Iron Man suit.

Tony’s helmet retracted into his suit as he did a glance over at Thor. “You look like you just went a few rounds with death,” Tony said after taking in his friend’s new appearance.

Thor seemed to visibly deflate at the words. “Well, you’re not wrong.” That caused both Peter and Tony to respond in a similar manner or sorts.

“What?”

“Oh my God you fought the Grim Reaper, didn’t you?!” Thor just raised an eyebrow — his only visible one at that.

“No, who even is the Grim Reaper? That sounds like some sort of alcoholic drink from Sakaar.” Both Peter nor Tony knew what he meant. “One the bright side, I found the Hulk on that same planet!”

Hulk peaked up when his name was said. “Hulk beat Thor in fight. Thor puny Avenger!”

“You cheated and you know it!”

Tony leaned over towards Peter to whisper in his ear. “I am so confused at what’s happening.”

“Nothing has made sense since I got here. I offered Thor a churro, but apparently they aren’t universally known.”

“Obviously!” Tony went back to facing Thor and then the spaceship that Peter almost forgot about. “Is that yours by any chance?”

“Technically, no. It was stolen off of Sakaar, but it’s mine now by default. Also, it holds all that remains of Asgard.”

Peter choked on his churro. “Um what?!” And then Thor passed out, leaving a very confused Tony Stark and Peter Parker, a talking Hulk, and an alien spaceship filled with Asgardians.


End file.
